A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."

10. Priests would not get married.....wait a minute....
9. Jesus wouldn't wear a white robe after Labor Day.
8. Fewer "Sermons on the Mount", more "Musicals".
7. Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Luke and Bruce.
6. Virgin Mary's hair would be flawless.
5. Would not have chased money changers out of the temple - they would have redecorated.
4. Turn water into dry martinis with just a splash of curacao for color.
3. Instead of the Last Supper, it would have been the Last Brunch with cabaret.
2. Replace the Beatitudes with "Fabulous are they..."
1. Triumphant Entry just screams for a Drag number.

These four gents go out to play golf one day. One is detained in the clubhouse and the remaining three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry. He began as a carpenter,but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful that in his last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man not to be outdone, told how his daughter began her career as a car salesperson,but now owns a multi-line dealership. "She's so successful, in fact, in the last six months she gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives, they tell him that they have been discussing their children and ask him about his son.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been in and out of work and I've just recently discovered he's a bisexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three lovers have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."